Reflections on Loss: A Journey Through Grief

International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, also known as Survivor Day, is observed each year on the Saturday before American Thanksgiving. It brings together individuals from all walks of life who have lost loved ones to suicide, offering a space for reflection, healing, and connection.

I lost my sister to suicide just weeks before my thirteenth birthday.

I was at an age where my world was still defined by innocence and exploration.

Now, at 29 years old, I still grapple with the weight of that loss. It feels surreal that I was so young when I faced such an immense tragedy, yet it shaped my understanding of life and loss in ways that still resonate with me today.

When I share this part of my story, people often ask: How did you cope with the loss at such a young age? What thoughts went through your mind? Were you aware of what was happening? How did you navigate your feelings?

To these questions, my response is often simple yet complex: I truly don’t know.

Losing a loved one as a child brings a unique challenge. The foundation of your world shifts, leaving you feeling disoriented and lost, while the world around you continues as if nothing has changed. You grapple with a profound sense of isolation, feeling as though you’re the only one who recognizes the void created by the absence of your loved one. It’s as if you’ve entered a different reality, where the familiar feels foreign and unsettling.

People tried to explain my sister’s death to me, saying things like, “She was struggling with her mental health. It’s called depression. It’s a condition that affects how people feel and think.” They tried to provide comfort, but I still found myself filled with questions and confusion.

What do you say to a child grappling with the loss of a sibling to suicide? How do you help them process their grief?

Honestly, I believe there’s no single right answer. Each person’s experience is unique, and each child will respond differently to loss.

However, it’s crucial to let them know they are not alone. I have come to realize that even in the darkest moments, support is available, whether they see it or not. Encourage them to express their feelings, and assure them that it’s okay to not have all the answers right away. The path through grief is not linear; it’s a journey filled with ups and downs.

Children will have countless questions: “Why did this happen?” and “How can I move forward?” These inquiries may be challenging, but they are part of the healing process. Offer guidance, listen attentively, and be present through the storm, helping them navigate their feelings day by day.

Take it moment by moment. Focus on getting through each breath, each meal, and eventually, each day. Just keep moving forward, because that’s what you must do.

My own journey through grief has been long and winding. I explored various avenues of healing and connection, but it was only when I participated in a HOPE workshop that I found solace. Being surrounded by others who shared similar experiences helped me feel understood and less alone. This connection is vital for anyone navigating the aftermath of a suicide loss.

During International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, hundreds of events occur across the nation, but you don’t have to wait for a specific day to reach out for support. Connect with HOPE to meet others in your community who understand.

To those who have suffered a loss, I want to offer this: There will come a time when you pause and recognize your resilience. You’ll reflect on your journey, the challenges you’ve faced, the joy you’ve discovered, and the love that still exists in your life. You’ll be amazed by the strength and determination that resides within you, enabling you to keep moving forward.

The same is true for you. Just take it one day at a time.